jason and i were talking last night about stages in life. one of those stages that i'm always thinking about is child-bearing. given my rocky pregnancy with violet, it's been hard for me to imagine having more kids, even though we want a big family. but as we were talking last night, i realized that i won't be able to do this forever. someday i won't have the opportunity to wake up at 3am and nourish our little baby. that my vision is so short-sighted and IN-THE-NOW. it's still, after being married and having 2 kids, way too ME-centered. far too: eh, i don't want to be huge again. -or- eh, i just got used to eating more than cereal. -or- eh, but i want to play music! i want to write essays! i want to be canadian! (ha!..that's for you, alex/darci).
so funny how music will never embrace me, essays will not spontaneously congratulate me while i'm going to the bathroom ("mommy, i'm so proud of you") or beg me to play with them. they will not be at my birthday parties or at my funeral.